Best way I can describe is terror in my soul in my own home

The night started off ok. I was feeling happy that this was Thursday, which mean that it is the night that Alex comes home late. Even though Harout was sick and did not make his concert, I tried to move beyond and put the script behind me.

Alex came home, and immediately, we start taking our spots. As Charlie described, "you are all like mouses running away and clearing his path."  Mariam accidentally dropped an ornament from the beautiful tree. Maybe it was an excuse for him to explode, but the subject was there. The subject tonight was not me, Harout, Mariam or the dogs, it was the ornament.

He completely went into Hollywood mode and acted like the life is about to end because the pieces of the ornament had spattered all over the floor.  His concern, "I don't want to step on this stuff in my bare feet."

The whole time Mariam needed reassurance to move beyond her fear. I tried to give it to her, I assured her, and assured that she did not cause this.  However, I know deep down she wanted her father's reassurance.

Then the subject turned to me (as it always does). I could not wait to move away from the scene, from him... and he caught me on that, he was even more annoyed. He went downstairs, yelled, kicked, threw things with loud forces.

The trio (aka me, Harout, Mariam) froze in our places.  The terror of his rage is so harsh. There is no fix, and at that moment, I know we are all praying for some miracle so the rage will stop.

This is me... this is my life.....

The Gift of Giving during the holidays - 2012

Harout's school had a donation / gift drive, and he decided to give his own $20 for the cause.  I did not know about this until two days after he had done it.

During the Christmas Sunday School luncheon on Sunday, he told me that he would like to give additional $20 to the cause.  His comment was "I feel so bad for those kids." Harout has a heart of gold.  If anyone can understand the joy of receiving a gift, is Harout. He loves to get gifts and he also gets passionate about giving.

Mariam is more of a quieter giver.  When they were collecting money for Movie night at McDevitt (held on 12/7/12), she decided to pay with her own money. Mariam is well aware the difficulty we have managing finances in our house. Each time we are shopping, she will always ask me, "are you sure, mom?"  Then she will go on and immediate it and say it like Meeema does. I just want to hug her instantly, because here is a 12 year old who wants everything and knows her limits and has great control.